Tag Dreiundzwanzig - The Final Exam

Well, I did it. I finished my course and have my certificate to prove it. If you have super-sleuth detective skills, you would have already noticed that today's title has the languages reversed. For MY OWN final exam, I will attempt to write my last entry in German. Here goes...

Heute...

(to be continued...)

Day Twenty Two - Nur zwei mehr 'sleeps'

I began to get frustrated with my studies yesterday and today,I totally hit the wall. No, I didn't have another rollerblading accident, I simply found myself too overwhelmed to continue in my advanced class. I think that knowing the end was near, my brain was starting to shut down. Having learned grammar and (a lot of) vocabulary from four different classses during each of the three weeks I have been here, I have a plethora of paperwork to sift through and an even bigger mess of data scattered in my brain. I am starting to forget English words I've known for years, and that scares me a little. The other day I forgot

The grammar from my advanced class became too frustrating so I put the books aside during the lesson and quietly worked on my homework from my earlier (easier) lesson. Not only do the words of a sentence go in a different order compared to English, the spelling of words change if a word is masculine, feminine or neutral. I recall from my French classes in elementary school that the article before a noun (le, la, les) was reliant on the sex of the noun but I don't recall having to change the spelling of the adjectives too. In either case, I cannot understand how a pen can be masculine, a clock can be feminine while a young girl is neutral. Perhaps if the clock was hot pink or had feathers and beads on it...

I am very anxious to get home to the comforts of my life I am so very lucky to be able to enjoy: a large bed, lots of space in my kitchen/bathroom, my backyard, the chance to blast my favourite music, the chance to sing at the top of my lungs, being able to walk around my house barefoot, not having to worry about getting dressed in the bathroom after having a shower, not having to worry about getting dressed at all (lol)...not having to worry about tidying up straight after cooking; basically, not having to act like a guest in someone else's home.

I miss popcorn, peanut butter (I ran out shortly after making the cookies), I can't wait to try my home-grown tomatoes for the first time this year, I miss my car and the freedom to be able to drive just about anywhere, I kinda sorta miss those horrible, evil kids I teach and perhaps most of all, I miss my diving classes.

The pool where I dive is closed due to the Toronto public workers strike and with no end in sight, it looks like I will have to wait some more :(

Day Twenty One - Der perfekte Sohn und die perfekte Sonne

I was on another self-guided walking tour of the Old Town section of Dresden, re-taking photos to correct mistakes made last week. There are four bridges crossing the Elbe from the old part of town to the new. I thought I could get a great city shot from the furthest bridge, so off I went.

When I reached the last bridge, I actually found two parallel bridges. Rather than walk the 250 feet to properly access the bridge, I hiked up the side. When I reached the top, I found train tracks instead of a road full of cars with sidewalks for pedestrians. I should have ascended the other bridge, oops.

To my delight, a hot-air balloon was flying over the cityscape so I started taking pictures. Unfortunately, I didn't like any of them because there were so many ugly-looking tourist boats in the water, ruining the overall setting for me. The balloon quickly passed over my head and in following it, I learned that the sun was starting to set for the night. Seeing how fast the lone balloon was travelling, I knew I had to act quickly if I wanted to capture it in my sunset photos which meant I couldn't waste time wondering where the other 98 were.

The sunset was amazing - such a huge ball of fire. It seemed so close to the earth. Before long, the balloon became blocked by the trees so I thought I could get a better shot if I moved about 50 feet along the tracks. There weren't any trains coming so what harm could that have done?

Snap-snap-snap-hooooooooooooooonk. A train, yikes. I had a bit of a "Stand-By-Me" moment as I dashed the 50 feet back to get the heck outta there. What a rush though.

So I have shown you the perfect sun, now you are wondering why I am the perfect son?

Heute sandte ich meiner Mutter eine Postkarte zu.

PS Can you find the balloon in the photo?

Day Twenty - E-I-E-I-O (oder in Deutsch A-E-A-E-O)

Today's lesson was a traditional German cooking show. This week, we are learning to navigate our way around the kitchen and how to follow recipes. We learned the names for: plates, forks, knives, garlic presses, sieves, egg timers, dishwashers, sinks, etc. Today, our teacher cooked Bauernfrühstück - which means "farmer's breakfast". The meal contained: potatoes, ham, cream, eggs, onions, salt, pepper and parsley. Luckily for me, there were two Muslim students in the class which meant we out-numbered the carnivores. As such, the meal was made "ohne Fleisch".

While the teacher prepared the meal, she taught the lesson. We learned many of the verbs which take place in the kitchen such as: cook, boil, fry, chop, mix, peel, bake, spread, etc. Here is a very brief list of some words from German recipes: geschalgen, gebraten, gelegt, gehackt, gestreut, geschnitten, gegeben, gegossen. I'm ge-ge-going crazy. It'll take getting used to, I ge-ge-guess.

I have come to realise that English is no different than German. Sure, the words are different and the sentence structure is different and the grammar is diferent but both languages often lack logic. We have just as many non-sensical word-combinations and pronounciations in English as I am finding in German. (Patricia - are you ready???) We have through-bough-cough, all spelled with "ough" but pronounced differently. Mooch-brooch. Read-read-red. Two-too-to. A picture is hung. A person is hanged. Today I eat, yesterday I ate. Today I see, yesterday I saw, or in some parts of the country - seen. See-saw, seen, scene. I have a headache...

The meal was cooked in a large, deep frying pan (like a wok), then flipped over to treat the other side. It resembled a pie when it was served. As much as I hate potatoes, it was pretty good. I'm quite sure I will never try it again but I have no regrets.

I tried another local specialty at home today. My host made a traditional cake called "eierscheke" which is a levened quark cake with raisins. Quark is milk curd and having just googled to see what it is, I now know why it is not popular in Canada.

Both (new) dishes seemed very unhealthy to me but attempts were made to convince me otherwise. I may not have loved it but at least I can say I tried German food. What is typical Canadian food? Maple syrup? Beavertail? Poutine? Nanaimo Bars? Ice Wine? Montreal Smoked Meat? - nothing healthy.
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The photos are of poorer quality today because I used the webcam on my laptop at school rather than my digital camera.

Day Nineteen - Die erste Regel des Fight Club ist...

My highlight for today was the fight outside the supermarket. Of course, I am writing facetiously, it really wasn't special at all.

I was about to enter the supermarket to buy some Kerrygold Irish cheddar cheese when two of the many squatters who loiter outside the shop started a fist fight. (What seemed like) the girlfriend of one of the guys attempted to stop the fight, only to get smacked by both of them??? The pack of squatters had at least a dozen German Shepherds with them, all barking in a frenzied state of panic.

I didn't hang around to see the outcome. All I can say is that I didn't get my cheese.

Day Eighteen - Ich wollte er regnen heute

Despite the ringing of the bells from 7am onward, I managed to lie in a bit longer than yesterday. Getting out of bed was a struggle. I neglected to stretch after yesterday's endeavour, and the muscles in my legs seemed to have solidified overnight. That meant no more hikes in the Bad Schandau area today.

I spent the whole day on a deck chair in the glorious sunshine and was saddened to have to pack up to make the trip back to Dresden. I had nothing much to show for today, having not taken any photos, but upon arriving in Dresden, spontaneity changed my plan of a quick walk home to make pasta into a search through town for sushi. I never did find the sushi place (I've eaten there three times already???) but I stumbled across Kunsthofpassage, a unique laneway of artsy-type shops and restaurants. Two of the apartment buildings are elaborately decorated; one of which is seen in the photo. Twice an hour there is a water exhibit demonstrating how the eavestroughs work when it rains. Have a closer look at the photo. It reminded me of Hundertwasserhaus in Vienna. If you ever have the chance to see HWH - DO!

Anyway, for all the moaning I have done about "Ron and Nancy", I wished it would have rained when I was at the passage today. I will definitely go back when it's raining to see the drains work in full force.

I began to tackle the mound of homework I neglected on my weekend away. Most of it is from the teacher who won't be here for my last week. I suppose I could not bother, since we'll have a substitute, but a) why? I'm here to learn and b) the substitute is my evening class teacher so it's not like I can get away with anything.

BTW, yesterday's texting dilemma from the top of whatever mountain I was on was - "is it OK to litter a banana peel in the forest since it's biodegradable?". I didn't; but I wonder if there would have been any harm. What do you think?

Day Seventeen - Samstag im Park, aber es war nicht der vierte Juli

Today began at 7am sharp - one hour earlier than usual. It's not like it was my choice or anything. The town church's 18th century clock struck like a bowling ball from the hand of a WTBA champion; over and over. I have long said that I can sleep through anything; loud noises, hot temperatures, cold temperatures, with the lights on, but when a church bell rings for two solid minutes, well that's the limit.

Breakfast at this hotel was the biggest buffet I had ever seen. The amount of options was overwhelming. I enjoyed smoked salmon; shrimp; tomatoes, cukes and peppers, assorted cheeses; cereal; yogurt; a small baguette; a boiled egg; toast; a pot of earl grey tea and a fruit smoothie, all while struggling through the local newspaper.

The plan for today was totally reliant on the weather. Today was to be partly sunny/partly rainy. Tomorrow was to be totally sunny. When I re-checked the weather report, both days showed part sun/part rain. As such, I took my chances by venturing off to the Saxon-Switzerland National Park. Don't be confused by the title. I am NOT in Switzerland. The founders felt that the Park reminded them of Switzerland so they used that in the title. Saxon is the Anglicized name for the State/Region in which most of the Park is located.

I began my day-trip with an electric tram up the moutain. The 30-minute journey saved me a 2.5 hour hike. The ride was quite enjoyable and the towns we passed along the way were quite picturesque. It wasn't until two people who had no clue what deordorant is, stood next to me (which was around the same time that a nearby mom changed her child's poopy diaper) that I was thinking about walking the rest of the way. It wasn't long after that we were at the top and I wasn't three minutes at the top when the rain began. I had a few options. Wait it out; take the tram back to the bottom; grab a beer; I forget what the rest of the options were. The (cheap) beer went down too quickly and probably wasn't the best idea before a 3-4 hour hike...

The rain stopped while I walked the first leg of the hike. My destination was a geologic formation called "Cow's" something or other, which was used during the war to provide shelter for the area's cows??? From a quick on-site survey, I gathered that perhaps less than 3% of those who make it to this point continue any further. My goal was to complete the 10 km trek in less time than I was told it would take, but with three fairly lengthy breaks to seek cover from the pouring rain, I finished the hike with only a few minutes to spare. As much as I have hated rain on this trip, I was psyched by it at one point atop the summit. The sky was clear and sunny, yet rain was dripping very modestly. Not only was it beautiful, I was texting back and forth to Canada which kinda blew my mind. I was literally in the middle of nowhere yet my phone worked and I could communicate in real time to someone over 4,000 miles away. Suddenly, the air became foggy and it was at that point that I realised I was actually IN a cloud. I had 15 seconds to find a cave to hang out in. It took me ten. My boy scout skills came in handy once again.

I became completely bored about 2.5 hours into the walk. The trail was reasonably well-marked but there were a few questionable moments. I found myself at a four-way crossing with only a faded painting on a tree of a white rectangle with a red square inside to lead my way. Since I am back in my hotel writing this entry, you need not worry about me getting lost in the forest forever, I obviously made the right choice.

I reached the end of the hike just in time to catch the boat back up the river to Bad Schandau. Too tired to eat properly, I snarfed down a few sandwiches, some peanuts and a beer before hitting the steam room to give my legs a bit of therapy.

I am so tired that I could sleep for a week, but I know I only have until 7am so I'd better get to it.

Day Sixteen - Sehen Sie, was Sie sagen

School was great today. Not only were the H-PB cookies a smash hit; we played Tabu. Tabu is the German version of Taboo; the game where one must make their partner say the secret word without using hand gestures or any of the other "taboo" words on the card. One also must not swear or one could earn demerits. Regrettably, one did earn a few demerits (but only for using the brown word and I did say it in German, so...). Taboo is a tough game at the best of times but Tabu was insane. It was so hard but I faired as well as the other students who have been at the school for several months. I can't believe the difference from day one - when I understood maybe 15% of the conversations to today - where I can participate about about 80%.

After school I made a mad dash (remember that game show?) for the train station to catch my train to the quiet spa town of Bad Schandau. I arrived at the station three minutes prior to an earlier-departing train so I bought a ticket (using only my new German knowledge) and hopped aboard.

The train ride was boring for the first 40 mintues but picturesque for the remaining 20. The train line followed the meandering Elbe River, which was travelling in the opposite direction on its way from the Czech Republic. Upon arrival in Bad Schandau, I had to board a commuter boat to take me to the actual town on the other side of the river. The boat ride took less than five minutes. Phelps could swim the distance in about two minutes...

Bad Schandau is very small; much, much smaller than Wittenberg. One can walk it all in an hour or so. The buildings are very quaint, ranging from one house I noted to be just over 400 years old to the nearly brand new Hotel Elbresidenz where I am staying. I got another great deal at hotels.ca; this time for a five-star property which features a full spa and an international breakfast (both are included in the room rate of C$100). The room is on the small side, but it is much larger than my room at the flat, and it is well appointed with hardwood floors, an ultra-modern bathroom with seven shower heads, free hi-speed internet, a seventeen-foot high ceiling and a balcony into an outdoor courtyard. The clothing drawers are unslammable too - I really like that. One can try to whip them shut but just as they are about to slam, they gently roll into position.

I walked about ten kilometers around the area, hit the spa for an hour and watched some live music at the nearby beer festival; a fairly full day.

Speaking of beer. Here is your CHORE FOR THE DAY! Try to make the next person you see say the word BEER without using the following words in the process: BEER, ALCOHOL, DRINK, COLD. Proper nouns are not permitted; nor are hand gestures. Use only your words.

Viel Spaß!

Day Fifteen - Jemand in der Küche mit Ryna

...someone's in the kitchen, I know-w-w-w...

One of my teachers will be on holiday for my final week and I am very disappointed about that. Antje has really inspired me to work harder since I aim to impress those whom I think are impress-able. She is the teacher of the harder class I shouldn't really be in, but want to be in.

Since tomorrow is our last day together, she requested I bring in some of this "famous Canadian peanut butter" I go on and on about. Peanut butter has often been my response for questions in our daily conversations such as... "name one of your favourite foods", "name something you brought with you that you can't get in Germany", "what do Canadians eat for breakfast?", "construct a sentence with an adjective", "ask the class which of two options they prefer"...

So, sick of hearing about peanut butter every day, my teacher requested I bring some in to share for our last day. That seemed too easy so I one-upped the project into baking my soon-to-be-world-famous honey/peanut butter cookies for the class. The oven here in my flat was incredibly efficient so twelve minutes was perhaps one or two minutes too many. The cookies were rising throughout the session but flattened out toward the end, possibly due to all of the sugar and honey (I didn't use flour). I don't actually know why they flattened out; I am no expert. I can only make PB cookies and pizza dough from scratch. Oh, and biscotti (so long as you don't care what it looks like, not that these cookies "look like" anything either - the dark parts are melted honey). I used to make RK Squares but then I found out about the whole marshmallow-gelatin-animal hoof thing...

Connie was very curious to see how I would make these cookies so she watched as I tried to explain the process like a male Julia Child (and yes, to complete the effect, I was drinking wine at the time).

The cookies tasted amazingly well and were heaps better than the ones from the Ennis All-Irelands (not the first batch I actually baked, but the second set I left uncooked overnight on the stove top because it was really late and I forgot about them because I was really, really).

Unfortunately, I kept breaking the current batch when moving them off the cookie sheet, and, being a perfectionist, I knew I simply couldn't serve them to my classmates so I was forced to eat them.

Finally, the amusing situation for the day. Category: German to English and English to German translations.

Which do you prefer? "Reading in the dark is bad for your eggs" or, "yesterday, I sold chicken breasts in the supermarket".

You see, the German word for egg is "Ei" (pronounced "eye") so...eyes...eis...eggs. Easy mistake, but not mine. Mine was more embarrassing as I was discussing what I did yesterday. The verb "kaufen" means "to buy" and the verb "verkaufen" means "to sell". In proudly telling the activities of my previous day, I used the incorrect verb and the room erupted with laughter. I agree that it was funny but it was soooooooooooooo embarrassing.

Day Fourteen - Microsoft stürzte mein Computer

Dear Bill Gates, you owe me one hour of my life so I want it back -Ryan Carroll.

Yesterday, some little yellow shield at the bottom right hand corner of my computer screen basically said "Hey there, why don't you download the new Internet Explorer, version 8?" and I thought "Well, it's from Microsoft so what could go wrong?". Um, yeah, everything. My system slowed to a crawl, the keyboard layout changed, menus disappeared, my desktop screen kept refreshing like someone blinking in slow-motion... Five minutes was all it took to realise that I wanted IE8 off my computer. Luckily - or so I thought - I created a "System Restore" point before the installation. System Restore allows one to return to a "kinder, gentler time" (again with the U.S. political references???) when everything was fine. Well, the System Restore made things worse. Long story short, I sorted it all out as you knew I would.

Having recently commented to one of my teachers that (last) Saturday's school-organized-day-trip to Wittenberg did not give me the out-of-class practical experience I was looking for, she arranged for our class to meet in the town for an afternoon drink. Today was the day of such meeting.

I had always recognized that my class was multi-national but only after seeing everyone at the outdoor café at a round table did I actually notice how diverse we really are. I am from Canada; Maxi comes from Argentina, Hiroe is from Japan, Samir is from Morocco and Antje is from Germany. That is five different continents. As one would expect, the school attracts students from all over the world, and "not everyone has English as a base so it can be incredibly difficult to teach a new language to people whom you can't otherwise speak to", said Antje, our 26-year-old teacher. Although we all speak English, we do so with regional dialects, so it can still be difficult to understand each other.

I booked a hotel for the weekend. I will visit Bad Schandau, a small town (also) on the Elbe river less than ten kilometres from the Czech Republic. The one and only time I travelled to the C.R. was in 1998. I visited Prague as a side-trip from a tour of Germany with Riverdance. Although Prague was beautiful, I could see that it was beginning to lose its charm due to expansion/Westernization. Prague will be too far away to re-visit this weekend (and I'd rather remember what I remember of it) but half of the nearby Saxon-Switzerland National Park, where I am hoping to ramble in the afternoons, belongs to the C.R. Who knows? Maybe I will cross the border to Czech out how the other half lives.

So if anyone has a direct line to Bill Gates, let me know because I want that hour of my life back. Bill once sent me an e-mail offering me up to $1,000 for forwarding his message to everyone I know, but I was too busy at the time. I've looked for the e-mail so I can write back now, but I can't find it. Perhaps I will call their 1-800 number; I'm sure they'll connect me...

Day Thirteen - Einfach Betäubung

I cringe everytime I see the adjective "stunning". If you live in the I.D. World then I assume you know what I am referring to. If not, don't worry about it. Instead, worry about this.

Thefreedictionary.com defines the word stunning as "to shock or astonish (someone) so that he or she is unable to speak or act". I have yet to meet anyone who has been rendered immobile upon seeing a photo, a building, a dress... Of course there is the bible story of Lot's wife being rendered immobile by being turned into a pillar of salt, but that wasn't because she looked at a beautiful building all lit up at night.

It DOES, however, bring me to the "Rhetorical Question for the Day". (What's this? A new category?) WHY did Lot's wife not get her own name? It's "Lot's wife" this and "Lot's wife" that... First, she is nameless - then there's that whole pillar of salt thing...I mean, come on...

So - I've written about religion and made a few political references recently. There was one other thing I was warned not to mention but it has slipped my mind. I was specifically told ""Don't mention the..." Hmm, I'll have to think about it some more.

In the meantime, I am not going to say that the Old Town of Dresden is stunning at night but if any of you freeze upon viewing these photos, write to me after you've come 'round.

Day Twelve - Einige Zungenbrecher

To make up for the lack of exercise due to "Ron and Nancy" I went for a short hike in the woods followed by a short jog in the park. Almost every young woman in the park (and upon further thought, most younger women throughout the city) was with at least one small child and/or is expecting one. It's great to see so many young families enjoying themselves in the park. It's also nice to see a park not loaded with garbage bags like some of the parks in Toronto (there is a city-wide strike on at the moment).

As for the high fertility rate, is it the water? Or are the television programs really bad here? I don't know, but guys, keep your tighty-whities, forget the oysters and skip the Semenax. Just move to Dresden. You'll both be pregnant in no time at all.

I bought a (full-sized) bottle of Argentinian red today for under two Euro. It wasn't the cheapest wine but it wasn't the most expensive either. It's a good rule of thumb to choose somewhere in the middle, I was once advised. Ha ha. It's an '07 Syrah-Malbec and you know what? It's not completely terrible.

One of today's in-class exercises was to write a tongue twister in German. This wasn't much of a challenge for me because most of my German sentences are garbled anyway. Heck, even the words in my English sentences are starting to around get too mixed.

Anyway, I came up with "Der Koch hat Kuchen im Kelly's Küche gekocht" - The cook cooked cake in Kelly's kitchen. First prize for me!

Day Eleven - Ron and Nancy ruiniert mein Tag

The creative side of my brain worked overtime today. Today's sub-title is so cryptic that I don't think even I would be able to figure it out if I had not come up with it in the first place. I am tempted to let Amy give it a try (thus not revealing the answer) but with little else to write about, I need the explanation to fill the page.

It rained almost all day long here in Dresden. I had planned to go to an outdoor swimming pool that has diving boards but with the weather being too miserable to walk outside, I opted to stay indoors to get caught up on homework, this blog and other business including paying bills over the internet and planning a getaway for next weekend.

Do you know what the German word for rain is? If not, click the link immediately below to find out. Note: the first e in the answer in spoken with a hard a as is used in English words like frustrated & rain & today. http://translate.google.com/translate_t#enderain

So there - that's it. That's the big puzzle. (Amy, if you cracked the code without any help, let me know.)

I had my first German meal of the trip today. I ate a traditional buffet consisting of German breads and cheeses, assorted vegetables (including beetroot) and Gurkensalat which is sliced cucumbers in a lot of oil/vinegar with sugar. Luckily there was no herring with ketchup to try today. I don't recall ever trying beetroot (at least not in my adult years) so in the spirit of trying new things in my thirties, I agreed to try the tiniest piece I could find - which was further cut in half to be on the safe side. Knowing that beetroot is a popular food in Germany and not wanting to risk offending my German brother-in-law once again by openly blogging negatively about German food, I will refrain from giving my opinion on the taste-test. Howefer, if you are good at spelling, you should be able to fink it fru and figure out my grade.

The whole time I have been writing today's entry, I have also been listening to an 80's and 90's internet radio station from The Netherlands called KickRadio. The song playing at this exact moment is "Here Comes The Rain Again" by The Eurthymics. Cool.

Sigh. I just checked the weather forecast for the rest of the week. More rain and thunderstorms, ugh. Now I know how the Democrats felt when they found out there would be "Four More Years"!

Day Ten - Links von der Mitte von Nirgendwo

While "Left of the Middle" is an album title by Australian soap star Natalie Imbruglia, I think I can use "Left of the Middle of Nowhere"; no credit required.

My school organizes social activities throughout the week to help the students integrate and to practice their German skills with each other. While a BBQ in the park consisting of sausages and Wurst on a bun didn't interest me, a day trip to nearby Wittenberg did. It seemed like a great chance to meet other students, practice German outside of the classroom and to see some of the German countryside at a greatly reduced cost.

The regular price of the best 2nd class return train ticket for the +3hr/200 kilometre journey is just under 60 Euro but the school arranged a five-person, regional group ticket which cost us only five euro, seventy cents each. "How on Earth does this make sense", you wonder? Well, it makes sense because we took the slowest possible trains (I swear we were going backwards at one point) and we kept changing every hour or so.

The day began with a 6:30 alarm call and 6:45 uprising. Gerald, who was kind enough to drive me to the train station at 7am, was insistent that I distinguish the difference between waking up (erwachen) and actually getting up (stehen) on this blog. He claims I am not a morning person.

The sub-title for today was almost "The Train Ride That Never Ended" because at that time in the morning (after a late night) the trip seemed like an eternity. The seats in the 2nd class cabin were not comfortable and I felt even more uncomfortable because the other students all knew each other from several weeks' study in their (more advanced) class. Between being far more knowledgable in German, plus the fact that some of them were half my age (+/-2yrs), there wasn't much of a connection. The school escort wasn't a teacher but rather more like a modern-day Julie McCoy. As I introduced myself to her, I explained that I was new to the school and was struggling with German but would appreciate any corrections to my grammar/sentences. Her reply was "just speak English then". Ohhhhhh-Kay.

Soon after arrival, we began our visit with a tour of the Castle Church. This chuch is where Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses to the door back in the year 1517 marking the beginning of Protestant Reformation. Martin Luther was a priest who, through his theses, protested the Church's indulgences and questioned the power of the Pope.

We split up after lunch and I proceeded on foot to walk the town's two main streets, passing sites I would later pass on the official town tour I endured. The two-hour official tour was presented solely in German, which I was made aware of in advance, but the guide spoke so fast that I didn't have a chance to follow along. I understood roughly 15% of what she was saying, which, in retrospect is a pretty decent victory for only one week of lessons, but by the time I translated the words I recognized, the rest of her sentence was over and I lost the value of the words I managed to figure out.

After a short while, I began to wander off to take photographs and use the solitude to ignite my imagination. I sub-blogged the following using the notepad feature on my phone. "This lady speaks so fast, if she is ever no longer able to walk having given so many walking tours over the years, she could quickly find work as an auctioneer."

I know "Life's What You Make It" but I think I would have been better off staying at the flat to do homework.

Day Nine - Gott sei Dank ist es Freitag

It's been a loooooooooong time since I had a nine-to-five (1996) and even longer since I was a full-time student (1992). I have forgotten the luxury of the weekend. Finally, some time to put the books (and the dice) away.

I went for beers and dinner with a few people from school. The snack shop we went to was cheap but not all that appetizing. You get what you pay for. I don't know if it was the flavourless food, the person being sick in the corner or Ricky Martin playing in the background but I was not enjoying my meal one bit. If I was forced to choose, I'd pick the food as being the most off-putting of the three.

I learned that the translation for the German version of Nena's 99 Red Balloons is actually 99 Air Balloons and that the German version was recorded first. Technically, "air" while correct, is not necessary as part of the translation to English. It definitely doesn't refer to hot-air balloons - the mode of transport (which are very scary by the way). The lyrics to the English version are almost completely different to the German version and she wasn't happy about having to sing them. We were discussing famous German singers/bands and whether or not they spoke English or just sang it. I thought that The Scorpions only sang it but couldn't speak it, but I haven't found anything to support my claim, (only that English was not their primary language).

Apparently, Nena learned the English words to her one-hit-wonder phonetically. Maybe her lack of English cut her international career short. Or maybe, after seeing the 99 Red Balloons music video, the world wasn't ready for her hairy armpits.

Day Eight - Ich bin ein Dresdener

I found one of my favourite beers - Kilkenny (from Ireland) in a Dresden supermarket the other day. Six bottles sell for only for 5 Euro and change - a bargain! I'd be lucky to get ONE beer at a pub in Dublin for that price. Four cans in Toronto cost nearly nine dollars. Sadly, my local Irish pub ("local" meaning near my home in Oakville) stopped selling it. I don't know why, exactly, but it probably had something to do with the fact that a couple of the waitresses pronounced it KILLKA-nee (instead of kill-KEN-nee) so the customers probably didn't recognize it when it was read out on the list of available beers...

School ended at 8pm so, having started at 10am, I was anxious to get home. Conny, Gerald and I shared the beers in the garden with caprese (Italian salad of tomato and mozzarella), made by yours truly. To my surprise, Conny and Gerald revealed that the bargain I thought I had found was no bargain at all. They informed me that six bottles of Beck's beer (from Germany) sells for only three and a half Euro. Other, lesser-known brands, sell for even less. It's no wonder that everyone - and I mean everyone - walks the streets drinking beer from one hand while holding a few more bottles in the other. The supermarkets sell beer individually too. Now THAT is a convenience store.

As usual, I practiced my broken German sentences with my loyal and helpful audience, majorly blundering a few times which made me think of the (discounted) controvery over JFK's doughnut moment in 1963. For those of you who are (also) too young to have seen JFK's speech on TV, you can watch it on You Tube after which you might get the joke about Mayor Quimby stating "Ich bin ein Springfielder" on The Simpsons.

There is a German symbol for a double ss which looks like a capital b. It is called an eszet and it looks like this - ß. The Swiss Germans don't use it and it will never appear in a German crossword puzzle, but it has puzzled me as I haven't solved the logic of when to use it. I was spelling the word for snack (as I served the caprese salad) as i-m-b-i-ß when Gerald said "ISS". I was sure that the eszet was in use for this word but he was pointing to the sky. The International Space Station was passing by overhead. Lina - this one's for you. It was "COOL"!

Day Seven - Reis auf meiner Reise

With each new day, I notice things coming together with my studies...I feel like I need fewer dice already.

The weather is very muggy here in Dresden and my sources at Google inform me that relief is not in sight. Since the German version of air conditioning is to simply open a window, I am feeling goopy all day long. An open window in dead heat lets in nothing but flies. I wonder why European houses don't have screens attached to their windows. If they do, I have yet to see any.
With a craving for sushi, I went to a Japanese restaurant to learn (or at least my broken German helped me to decipher) that they ran out of rice. How on Earth can a Japanese restaurant run out of rice? Well once again, I left my evening dining experience to a point beyond extreme hunger, so I continued to order, rather than cruise the competition. I asked for crispy chicken with mixed vegetables in sweet and sour sauce and was relieved when I received crispy chicken with mixed vegetables in sweet and sour sauce. Mission accomplished. I can order food in German. Wunderbar.

My dinner (albeit not very Japanese-ish) was very tasty and it went well with the large beer I ordered (which cost only two Euro for 5oo ml). The entire meal was only 6 Euro 50 cents and guess what...it came with rice!

I later realised they must have meant that they had no more sticky rice for making sushi since it is a different type of rice to the standard meal rice - or at least I think that was the case.

...it's all part of the adventure.

Day Six - Ein Tanz-Remix

The sub-title for Day Six is a pun paying homage to Canadian rock band Barenaked Ladies, but if you are a fan then I know that you already got it...

School was so much better today. My (new) class has only one other student who speaks Chinese, Japanese, English and French so there is more time for explanation. More importantly, I am able to feel like 'a big fish in a small pond'. This gives me added confidence to speak out loud by knowing there is a good chance I will give the correct answer.

I still don't have an official reason for WHY I want to learn German, but I know I get inspiration from people who have made the effort to become multi-multi-lingual. My great-aunt Anne (who lived most of her life as a nun so I guess she had a lot of free time?) was fluent in six or seven languages. Even though I only met her once or twice over ten years ago, my fascination with her achievement never faded.

After lunch I returned to the advanced class and returned to picking up approximately 25% of the dialogue. However, with some one-on-one direction from the teacher, I was able to do the in-class assignments with respectable success.

After classes, I went home to make lunch and to study. The man of the house arrived soon after, and he invited me to the garden to share tea and to share the last two pieces of Sunday's cheesecake. It's conversations like these that will really help my comprehension of German (and his of English), and it is also why it is better for one to immerse in a country over four thousand miles away.

After a few hours, I panicked as I asked Gerald what time it was (which directly translates to "How late is it?"). I realised I had only four mintes to get to my (new) evening class. I ran inside to collect my books only to see a note I had written myself revealing that I actually had another half hour. Relieved, I returned to the garden to explain the mix-up and to finish our conversation. I was going to keep my second new challenge for 2009 of being on time for school after all. My original 2009 challenge was to cut out the sarcasm but we all knew that was destined to fail. (I claim to have lasted a month but have yet to meet even one person who agrees.)

The teacher of the evening class was new to the school so everyone in the room (seven people) did a meet and greet. This was a great chance for me to review the basic questions I learned in the first class (what is your name/where do you live/where do you come from/what is your job/etc.). Then we were asked to turn to page 51 of the textbook. I realised that the class had been in session for many weeks already and I would once again be lost.

To shorten a long/boring story. The class ended early. The teacher was told that our class began at 6:00 but the students were told 6:30. The class was reviewing Modalverben so this early dismissal saved me a lot of humming and hawing. I will know theModalverbs for the next class.

I was advised to try Al Capone for dinner - one of Dresden's many Italian restaurants. I hesitated to eat there because the place was empty but since my hosts recommended it (and I was starving) I entered anyway. I was asked if I wanted to eat inside or outside and it was then that I realised the place was buzzing - just not inside. I replied 'outside' and was told I had to wait for a table for one. The head waiter mustered something to the bartender and all of a sudden I found a (free) glass of champagne in front of me for being so patient to wait for a table.

At that moment I remembered the German word for dry, which I had been struggling to recall during my afternoon chat. It is "trocken". Seeing the champagne made me think of "Henkell-Trocken" which is a fairly common sparkling white wine IMO. It is funny how the brain works sometimes...

Day Five - Der erste Schultag

After a one hour walk around town to get my bearings - find a cash machine and get some groceries - I went to school (Kästner Kolleg)with anxiety and trepidation. I have no real reason for wanting to learn how to speak German, only that I picked up a bit of it when touring with Riverdance and I am trying to do something new in each year of my thirties. (Diving was the new adventure for 2008). I guess I will do TWO new things this year because not only am I going to a German language school, I am going to be on time every day. I was late for school so many times in elementary, secondary and post-secondary school that there were late slips already waiting for me when I showed up to each office.

I signed up for the intensive course here at the Kolleg which is 30 hours per week over five days - ten hours more than the standard course. I thought it made more sense to get in as much learning as I could. I had claimed to be a Level 2 student thinking that Level 1 consisted of the alphabet, colours, numbers, basic greetings (all things I learned on The Rosetta Stone). Boy was I wrong. My class (six students plus one teacher) has been studying for eleven weeks and are conversing in German rather well. They are in the second half of level 2 and it was determined that I belong between the 1st and 2nd halves of level 1. The first half hour of today's class consisted of having each student give details about their weekend (no English allowed) followed by a test on last week's studies. Um, yeah, that's fair. I didn't just get my feet wet today - I took a whole shower (both literally and figuratively actually).

I have learned many German words over the past six months but I lack the experience to string them together to form a sentence. I don't yet understand the concept of forming the German sentence (there are many inconsistent rules to German grammar, although I concede that mastering the English language is not without chaos). Right now, I think I could have equal luck to write all of the words of any given sentence on a various dice and roll them out like in a game of Yahtzee since the nouns and verbs etc. go in a different order than in English.

Tomorrow, I will join the lower level's lessons in the morning and continue with the intermediate lessons in the afternoon. The extra ten hours per week I signed up for is actually all conversational and the teacher and I both decided that it will be way too advanced for me.

Sooooooooo, I shall use that time to study and to blog.

Day Four - Meine Deutsche Familie

Sunday began with an early rise from a comfy bed, a healthy breakfast at Roomers and a trainride to Frankfurt airport.

The one-hour flight to Dresden seemed like several more because I was still tired from the previous night. Upon arrival, I took a taxi to my new residence and attempted to text my host family (typed in German) to let them know that I was on my way. Good thing I had a phone, right? How do people live without them (sarcasm), right? Of course their mobile was not switched on so they didn't get my message although they later told me that while they understood the message, it was very poorly written lol.

Gerald and Conny have a nice apartment five minutes from the language school and about fifteen minutes to the old town section of Dresden. Coming from an entire house to myself to sharing a small flat with two others will continue to take time to get used to. Fortunately my hosts are very nice and very exicted to have me stay with them. Gerald has been learning English for three months and is keen to develop his skills by having foreign students live with them. I am their first.

We had broken conversations over tea and home-made mandarin cheesecake out in the garden. The GER-ENG (and vice versa) dictionary came in very handy although there was quite a bit of awkward silence too. They gave me a brief tour of the flat and we walked to the school before I took a nap.

They prepared a BBQ for me (food is otherwise not included in my rooming fees) and fortunately we had discussed likes and dislikes during one of our conversations earlier in the afternoon. As most people know, with me, there are way more dislikes than likes. They BBQ'd turkey, chicken breasts, curried-chicken breasts, chicken wings, toast and pork. We continued to converse -with me asking questions in German and them answering in English - while both of us offered helpful corrections over a few bottles of Krombacher (link below which, oddly enough, plays Belfast Child on the homepage).

Day Three - Die großen Spa

Not realising I would be staying at a hotel with a spa, I continued with my plan to visit a typical German spa located thirty minutes north of Frankfurt by tram in Bad Homburg. (Laurie, if you are reading this, THIS is why I don't plan things in advance. With me, things just happen. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't, but either way, it's all part of the adventure.)

As usual, I didn't plan the trek very well so when I disembarked the tram, I had quite a task to find the facility. Their website was of little help with directions and I assumed there would be a sign of some sort but of course I was wrong. I figured it out though, with little hassle (and no stress) and walked - in the rain - to Taunus Therme.

Inside the spa were ten different saunas replicating different cultural experiences (German, Finnish, Asian etc.) ranging from 60 to 100 degrees fahrenheit. At certain times, staff members poured water blended with different aromas such as honey, mandarin or grapefruit extract (I tried the latter) to massive crowds. It was a ritual akin to a church service. Sadly, I had to make an early exit as it was simply too hot for me.

The spa also had large pools with nutrient-rich water from the hot springs below the facility, in addition to many relaxation rooms and two solariums. The solariums (rooms with sunbeds) were designed to look like caves and the lights of the sunbeds were only up above which meant one had to flip over part way through. I felt like a contestant on the one and only episode of Survivor I saw. It was when the contestants had to count out X number of hours and the person who was closest without going over (Bob Barker anyone?) got to eat for the day or something stupid like that. I knew the tanning session lasted 8 minutes so I counted out 240 seconds before flipping onto my stomach. Do you know how boring it is to concentrate so closely? I kept wondering if I was counting too fast or too slow but then had to tell myself to stop wondering and to focus on the counting instead. Telling myself to stop wondering was as bad as wondering so you can see the downward spiral of the challenge. I can't imagine the torture of having to count out several hours. It's reasons like this why I (still) don't own a television.

You may be wondering how successful I was. Well my counting was too fast but it didn't matter because I learned (after that fact from another guest) that the intensity of the lights was low enough that one could do 8 minutes per side. Sooooooo, I tried another session later on and I had to break down the second session into four-minute intervals as well to ensure that I didn't end up like Ross from Friends. He had a bad experience with a spray tan.

I had some conversations with Germans at the spa and later at a bar in Frankfurt, only to realise I didn't know German as much as I had thought. I started to panic.

Hilfe mich!

Day Two - Ankunft in Frankfurt

My flight from Toronto landed in Frankfurt, Germany very early in the morning. Since I could not check into my hotel until noon, I was slow to get off the plane and into the terminal. After a shower and a delicious (healthy) breakfast at the new Lufthansa arrivals lounge, I hopped on the train into the city, then walked to my hotel (yes I booked one in advance).

I pre-paid a two-night stay at The Pure for a great rate at online and was looking forward to experiencing something four-star. My last visit to Frankfurt (in June) was more of a hostel-type trip - it was an overnight on my way back from a meeting in Dublin.

The receptionist at The Pure greeted me with a surprise. She offered me an upgrade from their four-star hotel room to their brand new five-star property (called Roomers) not too far away at no additional cost. Being a new hotel (there was minor maintainance still going on) they wanted people in the rooms to test out the experience and to (probably) be able to claim higher occupancy rates. I liken it to the Chinese busing in people to fill the stadiums at the Olympics to make the events appear to be sold out.

I accepted the offer and was subsequently driven by their personal driver in an Alfa Romeo with leather interior to match my new brown shoes from Nashville. Upon arrival in the new building, I was asked for my first impression. All I could muster was "wow!".

The room suited me to a tee...stylish minimalism. Well, actually I take claim to the minimalism portion, not the stylish comment. Upon further exploration I found the design of the room to be more about image than practicality. The black marble sink and countertop looked great until water was spilled on it. There were buttons and switches everywhere. The parquet floor looked amazing except where people have marked it by dragging suitcases across it. The lights were all on dimmer switches and one would almost need a University degree in Engineering to get by. It wasn't a problem for me - not because I am so smart - but that I almost always sleep with the lights on in a hotel (when given the choice). The mini-bar included a full-sized bottle of Chivas Regal although I didn't think to check out the price...

Their hotel offered a state-of-the-art spa and fitness room at no extra charge. The hottub? was like no other I've seen before. Rather than sit in a tub, there was room for four people to lie on a diagonal wall that had jets lined up with pressure points along the body. Water trickled from the shoulders downward not only provided gentle massage but soothing sounds of flowing H2O. Multi-coloured LED lights changed frequently to add to the relaxation of the event.

In addition to the sauna and steam room, there were three waterbed massagers (similar units are in some shopping malls) where one lies on top the rubber mattress while very powerful jets of water give a massage. Also something new to me were giant tubs filled with polished stones. The base of the tub was heated and (I guess) the idea was to relax as the hot stones warmed the body. It was relaxing but very weird. There were five tubs with stones of different sizes.

The coolest part of the hotel was the elevator - which I only used once as I am in summer-fitness mode now. Rather than buttons to press, there was a glass tablet much like an iPod touch to select the floor. It's the little things in life...ah.

Dinner consisted of Italian food and German beer. There was an Italian festival on in Frankfurt to promote tourism in Italy. In addition to live Italian music, there were several tents/stations selling sample sizes of different foods from Italy (pizza, pasta, cheeses etc.) and wines. As much as I enjoy Italian wine, I was anxious for a German beer called Warsteiner. It is available in Canada but it is much nicer on tap.

It was time to walk back to the hotel for an early sleep. After carefully avoiding the numerous cigarette butts, empty beer cans and dog waste (there are no rules here), I made it safely to my home for the weekend.

Day One - Die Reise über den Ozean

I flew with Lufthansa in Business class thanks to Aeroplan. There wasn't anyone in the seat beside me so I had even more space to spread out. I did some last-minute language cramming to prepare for my first day of school at the "Kolleg", ate most of the mystery-surprise food and had a bit of a sleep on the lie-flat seat.

"Danke" to Barb for driving me to the airport and an extra thanks to my special visitors who stopped by to wish me "gute Reise".