Tag Dreiundzwanzig - The Final Exam

Well, I did it. I finished my course and have my certificate to prove it. If you have super-sleuth detective skills, you would have already noticed that today's title has the languages reversed. For MY OWN final exam, I will attempt to write my last entry in German. Here goes...

Heute...

(to be continued...)

Day Twenty Two - Nur zwei mehr 'sleeps'

I began to get frustrated with my studies yesterday and today,I totally hit the wall. No, I didn't have another rollerblading accident, I simply found myself too overwhelmed to continue in my advanced class. I think that knowing the end was near, my brain was starting to shut down. Having learned grammar and (a lot of) vocabulary from four different classses during each of the three weeks I have been here, I have a plethora of paperwork to sift through and an even bigger mess of data scattered in my brain. I am starting to forget English words I've known for years, and that scares me a little. The other day I forgot

The grammar from my advanced class became too frustrating so I put the books aside during the lesson and quietly worked on my homework from my earlier (easier) lesson. Not only do the words of a sentence go in a different order compared to English, the spelling of words change if a word is masculine, feminine or neutral. I recall from my French classes in elementary school that the article before a noun (le, la, les) was reliant on the sex of the noun but I don't recall having to change the spelling of the adjectives too. In either case, I cannot understand how a pen can be masculine, a clock can be feminine while a young girl is neutral. Perhaps if the clock was hot pink or had feathers and beads on it...

I am very anxious to get home to the comforts of my life I am so very lucky to be able to enjoy: a large bed, lots of space in my kitchen/bathroom, my backyard, the chance to blast my favourite music, the chance to sing at the top of my lungs, being able to walk around my house barefoot, not having to worry about getting dressed in the bathroom after having a shower, not having to worry about getting dressed at all (lol)...not having to worry about tidying up straight after cooking; basically, not having to act like a guest in someone else's home.

I miss popcorn, peanut butter (I ran out shortly after making the cookies), I can't wait to try my home-grown tomatoes for the first time this year, I miss my car and the freedom to be able to drive just about anywhere, I kinda sorta miss those horrible, evil kids I teach and perhaps most of all, I miss my diving classes.

The pool where I dive is closed due to the Toronto public workers strike and with no end in sight, it looks like I will have to wait some more :(

Day Twenty One - Der perfekte Sohn und die perfekte Sonne

I was on another self-guided walking tour of the Old Town section of Dresden, re-taking photos to correct mistakes made last week. There are four bridges crossing the Elbe from the old part of town to the new. I thought I could get a great city shot from the furthest bridge, so off I went.

When I reached the last bridge, I actually found two parallel bridges. Rather than walk the 250 feet to properly access the bridge, I hiked up the side. When I reached the top, I found train tracks instead of a road full of cars with sidewalks for pedestrians. I should have ascended the other bridge, oops.

To my delight, a hot-air balloon was flying over the cityscape so I started taking pictures. Unfortunately, I didn't like any of them because there were so many ugly-looking tourist boats in the water, ruining the overall setting for me. The balloon quickly passed over my head and in following it, I learned that the sun was starting to set for the night. Seeing how fast the lone balloon was travelling, I knew I had to act quickly if I wanted to capture it in my sunset photos which meant I couldn't waste time wondering where the other 98 were.

The sunset was amazing - such a huge ball of fire. It seemed so close to the earth. Before long, the balloon became blocked by the trees so I thought I could get a better shot if I moved about 50 feet along the tracks. There weren't any trains coming so what harm could that have done?

Snap-snap-snap-hooooooooooooooonk. A train, yikes. I had a bit of a "Stand-By-Me" moment as I dashed the 50 feet back to get the heck outta there. What a rush though.

So I have shown you the perfect sun, now you are wondering why I am the perfect son?

Heute sandte ich meiner Mutter eine Postkarte zu.

PS Can you find the balloon in the photo?

Day Twenty - E-I-E-I-O (oder in Deutsch A-E-A-E-O)

Today's lesson was a traditional German cooking show. This week, we are learning to navigate our way around the kitchen and how to follow recipes. We learned the names for: plates, forks, knives, garlic presses, sieves, egg timers, dishwashers, sinks, etc. Today, our teacher cooked Bauernfrühstück - which means "farmer's breakfast". The meal contained: potatoes, ham, cream, eggs, onions, salt, pepper and parsley. Luckily for me, there were two Muslim students in the class which meant we out-numbered the carnivores. As such, the meal was made "ohne Fleisch".

While the teacher prepared the meal, she taught the lesson. We learned many of the verbs which take place in the kitchen such as: cook, boil, fry, chop, mix, peel, bake, spread, etc. Here is a very brief list of some words from German recipes: geschalgen, gebraten, gelegt, gehackt, gestreut, geschnitten, gegeben, gegossen. I'm ge-ge-going crazy. It'll take getting used to, I ge-ge-guess.

I have come to realise that English is no different than German. Sure, the words are different and the sentence structure is different and the grammar is diferent but both languages often lack logic. We have just as many non-sensical word-combinations and pronounciations in English as I am finding in German. (Patricia - are you ready???) We have through-bough-cough, all spelled with "ough" but pronounced differently. Mooch-brooch. Read-read-red. Two-too-to. A picture is hung. A person is hanged. Today I eat, yesterday I ate. Today I see, yesterday I saw, or in some parts of the country - seen. See-saw, seen, scene. I have a headache...

The meal was cooked in a large, deep frying pan (like a wok), then flipped over to treat the other side. It resembled a pie when it was served. As much as I hate potatoes, it was pretty good. I'm quite sure I will never try it again but I have no regrets.

I tried another local specialty at home today. My host made a traditional cake called "eierscheke" which is a levened quark cake with raisins. Quark is milk curd and having just googled to see what it is, I now know why it is not popular in Canada.

Both (new) dishes seemed very unhealthy to me but attempts were made to convince me otherwise. I may not have loved it but at least I can say I tried German food. What is typical Canadian food? Maple syrup? Beavertail? Poutine? Nanaimo Bars? Ice Wine? Montreal Smoked Meat? - nothing healthy.
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The photos are of poorer quality today because I used the webcam on my laptop at school rather than my digital camera.

Day Nineteen - Die erste Regel des Fight Club ist...

My highlight for today was the fight outside the supermarket. Of course, I am writing facetiously, it really wasn't special at all.

I was about to enter the supermarket to buy some Kerrygold Irish cheddar cheese when two of the many squatters who loiter outside the shop started a fist fight. (What seemed like) the girlfriend of one of the guys attempted to stop the fight, only to get smacked by both of them??? The pack of squatters had at least a dozen German Shepherds with them, all barking in a frenzied state of panic.

I didn't hang around to see the outcome. All I can say is that I didn't get my cheese.

Day Eighteen - Ich wollte er regnen heute

Despite the ringing of the bells from 7am onward, I managed to lie in a bit longer than yesterday. Getting out of bed was a struggle. I neglected to stretch after yesterday's endeavour, and the muscles in my legs seemed to have solidified overnight. That meant no more hikes in the Bad Schandau area today.

I spent the whole day on a deck chair in the glorious sunshine and was saddened to have to pack up to make the trip back to Dresden. I had nothing much to show for today, having not taken any photos, but upon arriving in Dresden, spontaneity changed my plan of a quick walk home to make pasta into a search through town for sushi. I never did find the sushi place (I've eaten there three times already???) but I stumbled across Kunsthofpassage, a unique laneway of artsy-type shops and restaurants. Two of the apartment buildings are elaborately decorated; one of which is seen in the photo. Twice an hour there is a water exhibit demonstrating how the eavestroughs work when it rains. Have a closer look at the photo. It reminded me of Hundertwasserhaus in Vienna. If you ever have the chance to see HWH - DO!

Anyway, for all the moaning I have done about "Ron and Nancy", I wished it would have rained when I was at the passage today. I will definitely go back when it's raining to see the drains work in full force.

I began to tackle the mound of homework I neglected on my weekend away. Most of it is from the teacher who won't be here for my last week. I suppose I could not bother, since we'll have a substitute, but a) why? I'm here to learn and b) the substitute is my evening class teacher so it's not like I can get away with anything.

BTW, yesterday's texting dilemma from the top of whatever mountain I was on was - "is it OK to litter a banana peel in the forest since it's biodegradable?". I didn't; but I wonder if there would have been any harm. What do you think?

Day Seventeen - Samstag im Park, aber es war nicht der vierte Juli

Today began at 7am sharp - one hour earlier than usual. It's not like it was my choice or anything. The town church's 18th century clock struck like a bowling ball from the hand of a WTBA champion; over and over. I have long said that I can sleep through anything; loud noises, hot temperatures, cold temperatures, with the lights on, but when a church bell rings for two solid minutes, well that's the limit.

Breakfast at this hotel was the biggest buffet I had ever seen. The amount of options was overwhelming. I enjoyed smoked salmon; shrimp; tomatoes, cukes and peppers, assorted cheeses; cereal; yogurt; a small baguette; a boiled egg; toast; a pot of earl grey tea and a fruit smoothie, all while struggling through the local newspaper.

The plan for today was totally reliant on the weather. Today was to be partly sunny/partly rainy. Tomorrow was to be totally sunny. When I re-checked the weather report, both days showed part sun/part rain. As such, I took my chances by venturing off to the Saxon-Switzerland National Park. Don't be confused by the title. I am NOT in Switzerland. The founders felt that the Park reminded them of Switzerland so they used that in the title. Saxon is the Anglicized name for the State/Region in which most of the Park is located.

I began my day-trip with an electric tram up the moutain. The 30-minute journey saved me a 2.5 hour hike. The ride was quite enjoyable and the towns we passed along the way were quite picturesque. It wasn't until two people who had no clue what deordorant is, stood next to me (which was around the same time that a nearby mom changed her child's poopy diaper) that I was thinking about walking the rest of the way. It wasn't long after that we were at the top and I wasn't three minutes at the top when the rain began. I had a few options. Wait it out; take the tram back to the bottom; grab a beer; I forget what the rest of the options were. The (cheap) beer went down too quickly and probably wasn't the best idea before a 3-4 hour hike...

The rain stopped while I walked the first leg of the hike. My destination was a geologic formation called "Cow's" something or other, which was used during the war to provide shelter for the area's cows??? From a quick on-site survey, I gathered that perhaps less than 3% of those who make it to this point continue any further. My goal was to complete the 10 km trek in less time than I was told it would take, but with three fairly lengthy breaks to seek cover from the pouring rain, I finished the hike with only a few minutes to spare. As much as I have hated rain on this trip, I was psyched by it at one point atop the summit. The sky was clear and sunny, yet rain was dripping very modestly. Not only was it beautiful, I was texting back and forth to Canada which kinda blew my mind. I was literally in the middle of nowhere yet my phone worked and I could communicate in real time to someone over 4,000 miles away. Suddenly, the air became foggy and it was at that point that I realised I was actually IN a cloud. I had 15 seconds to find a cave to hang out in. It took me ten. My boy scout skills came in handy once again.

I became completely bored about 2.5 hours into the walk. The trail was reasonably well-marked but there were a few questionable moments. I found myself at a four-way crossing with only a faded painting on a tree of a white rectangle with a red square inside to lead my way. Since I am back in my hotel writing this entry, you need not worry about me getting lost in the forest forever, I obviously made the right choice.

I reached the end of the hike just in time to catch the boat back up the river to Bad Schandau. Too tired to eat properly, I snarfed down a few sandwiches, some peanuts and a beer before hitting the steam room to give my legs a bit of therapy.

I am so tired that I could sleep for a week, but I know I only have until 7am so I'd better get to it.

Day Sixteen - Sehen Sie, was Sie sagen

School was great today. Not only were the H-PB cookies a smash hit; we played Tabu. Tabu is the German version of Taboo; the game where one must make their partner say the secret word without using hand gestures or any of the other "taboo" words on the card. One also must not swear or one could earn demerits. Regrettably, one did earn a few demerits (but only for using the brown word and I did say it in German, so...). Taboo is a tough game at the best of times but Tabu was insane. It was so hard but I faired as well as the other students who have been at the school for several months. I can't believe the difference from day one - when I understood maybe 15% of the conversations to today - where I can participate about about 80%.

After school I made a mad dash (remember that game show?) for the train station to catch my train to the quiet spa town of Bad Schandau. I arrived at the station three minutes prior to an earlier-departing train so I bought a ticket (using only my new German knowledge) and hopped aboard.

The train ride was boring for the first 40 mintues but picturesque for the remaining 20. The train line followed the meandering Elbe River, which was travelling in the opposite direction on its way from the Czech Republic. Upon arrival in Bad Schandau, I had to board a commuter boat to take me to the actual town on the other side of the river. The boat ride took less than five minutes. Phelps could swim the distance in about two minutes...

Bad Schandau is very small; much, much smaller than Wittenberg. One can walk it all in an hour or so. The buildings are very quaint, ranging from one house I noted to be just over 400 years old to the nearly brand new Hotel Elbresidenz where I am staying. I got another great deal at hotels.ca; this time for a five-star property which features a full spa and an international breakfast (both are included in the room rate of C$100). The room is on the small side, but it is much larger than my room at the flat, and it is well appointed with hardwood floors, an ultra-modern bathroom with seven shower heads, free hi-speed internet, a seventeen-foot high ceiling and a balcony into an outdoor courtyard. The clothing drawers are unslammable too - I really like that. One can try to whip them shut but just as they are about to slam, they gently roll into position.

I walked about ten kilometers around the area, hit the spa for an hour and watched some live music at the nearby beer festival; a fairly full day.

Speaking of beer. Here is your CHORE FOR THE DAY! Try to make the next person you see say the word BEER without using the following words in the process: BEER, ALCOHOL, DRINK, COLD. Proper nouns are not permitted; nor are hand gestures. Use only your words.

Viel Spaß!

Day Fifteen - Jemand in der Küche mit Ryna

...someone's in the kitchen, I know-w-w-w...

One of my teachers will be on holiday for my final week and I am very disappointed about that. Antje has really inspired me to work harder since I aim to impress those whom I think are impress-able. She is the teacher of the harder class I shouldn't really be in, but want to be in.

Since tomorrow is our last day together, she requested I bring in some of this "famous Canadian peanut butter" I go on and on about. Peanut butter has often been my response for questions in our daily conversations such as... "name one of your favourite foods", "name something you brought with you that you can't get in Germany", "what do Canadians eat for breakfast?", "construct a sentence with an adjective", "ask the class which of two options they prefer"...

So, sick of hearing about peanut butter every day, my teacher requested I bring some in to share for our last day. That seemed too easy so I one-upped the project into baking my soon-to-be-world-famous honey/peanut butter cookies for the class. The oven here in my flat was incredibly efficient so twelve minutes was perhaps one or two minutes too many. The cookies were rising throughout the session but flattened out toward the end, possibly due to all of the sugar and honey (I didn't use flour). I don't actually know why they flattened out; I am no expert. I can only make PB cookies and pizza dough from scratch. Oh, and biscotti (so long as you don't care what it looks like, not that these cookies "look like" anything either - the dark parts are melted honey). I used to make RK Squares but then I found out about the whole marshmallow-gelatin-animal hoof thing...

Connie was very curious to see how I would make these cookies so she watched as I tried to explain the process like a male Julia Child (and yes, to complete the effect, I was drinking wine at the time).

The cookies tasted amazingly well and were heaps better than the ones from the Ennis All-Irelands (not the first batch I actually baked, but the second set I left uncooked overnight on the stove top because it was really late and I forgot about them because I was really, really).

Unfortunately, I kept breaking the current batch when moving them off the cookie sheet, and, being a perfectionist, I knew I simply couldn't serve them to my classmates so I was forced to eat them.

Finally, the amusing situation for the day. Category: German to English and English to German translations.

Which do you prefer? "Reading in the dark is bad for your eggs" or, "yesterday, I sold chicken breasts in the supermarket".

You see, the German word for egg is "Ei" (pronounced "eye") so...eyes...eis...eggs. Easy mistake, but not mine. Mine was more embarrassing as I was discussing what I did yesterday. The verb "kaufen" means "to buy" and the verb "verkaufen" means "to sell". In proudly telling the activities of my previous day, I used the incorrect verb and the room erupted with laughter. I agree that it was funny but it was soooooooooooooo embarrassing.

Day Fourteen - Microsoft stürzte mein Computer

Dear Bill Gates, you owe me one hour of my life so I want it back -Ryan Carroll.

Yesterday, some little yellow shield at the bottom right hand corner of my computer screen basically said "Hey there, why don't you download the new Internet Explorer, version 8?" and I thought "Well, it's from Microsoft so what could go wrong?". Um, yeah, everything. My system slowed to a crawl, the keyboard layout changed, menus disappeared, my desktop screen kept refreshing like someone blinking in slow-motion... Five minutes was all it took to realise that I wanted IE8 off my computer. Luckily - or so I thought - I created a "System Restore" point before the installation. System Restore allows one to return to a "kinder, gentler time" (again with the U.S. political references???) when everything was fine. Well, the System Restore made things worse. Long story short, I sorted it all out as you knew I would.

Having recently commented to one of my teachers that (last) Saturday's school-organized-day-trip to Wittenberg did not give me the out-of-class practical experience I was looking for, she arranged for our class to meet in the town for an afternoon drink. Today was the day of such meeting.

I had always recognized that my class was multi-national but only after seeing everyone at the outdoor café at a round table did I actually notice how diverse we really are. I am from Canada; Maxi comes from Argentina, Hiroe is from Japan, Samir is from Morocco and Antje is from Germany. That is five different continents. As one would expect, the school attracts students from all over the world, and "not everyone has English as a base so it can be incredibly difficult to teach a new language to people whom you can't otherwise speak to", said Antje, our 26-year-old teacher. Although we all speak English, we do so with regional dialects, so it can still be difficult to understand each other.

I booked a hotel for the weekend. I will visit Bad Schandau, a small town (also) on the Elbe river less than ten kilometres from the Czech Republic. The one and only time I travelled to the C.R. was in 1998. I visited Prague as a side-trip from a tour of Germany with Riverdance. Although Prague was beautiful, I could see that it was beginning to lose its charm due to expansion/Westernization. Prague will be too far away to re-visit this weekend (and I'd rather remember what I remember of it) but half of the nearby Saxon-Switzerland National Park, where I am hoping to ramble in the afternoons, belongs to the C.R. Who knows? Maybe I will cross the border to Czech out how the other half lives.

So if anyone has a direct line to Bill Gates, let me know because I want that hour of my life back. Bill once sent me an e-mail offering me up to $1,000 for forwarding his message to everyone I know, but I was too busy at the time. I've looked for the e-mail so I can write back now, but I can't find it. Perhaps I will call their 1-800 number; I'm sure they'll connect me...

Day Thirteen - Einfach Betäubung

I cringe everytime I see the adjective "stunning". If you live in the I.D. World then I assume you know what I am referring to. If not, don't worry about it. Instead, worry about this.

Thefreedictionary.com defines the word stunning as "to shock or astonish (someone) so that he or she is unable to speak or act". I have yet to meet anyone who has been rendered immobile upon seeing a photo, a building, a dress... Of course there is the bible story of Lot's wife being rendered immobile by being turned into a pillar of salt, but that wasn't because she looked at a beautiful building all lit up at night.

It DOES, however, bring me to the "Rhetorical Question for the Day". (What's this? A new category?) WHY did Lot's wife not get her own name? It's "Lot's wife" this and "Lot's wife" that... First, she is nameless - then there's that whole pillar of salt thing...I mean, come on...

So - I've written about religion and made a few political references recently. There was one other thing I was warned not to mention but it has slipped my mind. I was specifically told ""Don't mention the..." Hmm, I'll have to think about it some more.

In the meantime, I am not going to say that the Old Town of Dresden is stunning at night but if any of you freeze upon viewing these photos, write to me after you've come 'round.

Day Twelve - Einige Zungenbrecher

To make up for the lack of exercise due to "Ron and Nancy" I went for a short hike in the woods followed by a short jog in the park. Almost every young woman in the park (and upon further thought, most younger women throughout the city) was with at least one small child and/or is expecting one. It's great to see so many young families enjoying themselves in the park. It's also nice to see a park not loaded with garbage bags like some of the parks in Toronto (there is a city-wide strike on at the moment).

As for the high fertility rate, is it the water? Or are the television programs really bad here? I don't know, but guys, keep your tighty-whities, forget the oysters and skip the Semenax. Just move to Dresden. You'll both be pregnant in no time at all.

I bought a (full-sized) bottle of Argentinian red today for under two Euro. It wasn't the cheapest wine but it wasn't the most expensive either. It's a good rule of thumb to choose somewhere in the middle, I was once advised. Ha ha. It's an '07 Syrah-Malbec and you know what? It's not completely terrible.

One of today's in-class exercises was to write a tongue twister in German. This wasn't much of a challenge for me because most of my German sentences are garbled anyway. Heck, even the words in my English sentences are starting to around get too mixed.

Anyway, I came up with "Der Koch hat Kuchen im Kelly's Küche gekocht" - The cook cooked cake in Kelly's kitchen. First prize for me!